I use to draw and paint quite a bit years ago, but after having kids it all took a backseat for a good decade of my life.
I remember as a teenager painting designs on terracotta pots for my mom, and keeping a folder of doodles alongside my text books. But it wasn’t until my junior year of high school that I took my first art class. My teacher was wonderful! I can still hear his words to help me get through a project when I’m “stuck.” I only had two years of it, so I left with alot still to learn. I didn’t want my teaching to end with high school, so I self taught over the next couple years.
I struggled with faces at the time, but instead of shying away from them, I committed to learning and would fill sketch books with eyes, noses and mouths until I could put them together. Co-workers in my office started to ask if I would draw portraits of their children, and before I knew it I had drawn at least a dozen of them! That eventually led to my first mural. I really had never painted except at school, so I was hesitant to accept the request. But my friend insisted, she trusted my talent and a couple weeks later her son’s nursery was a 4 wall jungle! As I did more murals, I learned new techniques and improved each time. But just as I was starting to get the hang of it, I had a nursery of my own to paint, and most of my creative outlet took a backseat.
I never lost my passion for art, it just dropped in my priority order. I slowly started drawing again as my kids got older and quickly remembered how fulfilled I felt whenever I’m in a creative space. Something in my soul needs it, and the longer I went without it, the more I craved it!
Simultaneously I started questioning my career, feeling completely UNfulfilled by my job. As I contemplated a new field, a new job, new industry, I would find myself in the same struggle over and over – I don’t want to leave and go to another job that is more of the same. What do you want to do, what do you like to do, people ask. So I did some soul searching…
I know I want to do something more meaningful with my days. Sitting behind my corporate desk feels pointless. I have more to offer the world than this! But I also have this thing, this thing in me that just wants to create! Something! Anything! How do these go together? I want more days of feeling fulfilled. I want to use my hands. I want to get them dirty. I want to get lost in a painting for hours to feel time stand still. My mind wants to be freed! But I also need it all to mean something.
How is art meaningful beyond my own self fulfillment? Or is it? Why is this the thing I keep gravitating back to? What purpose does this fill? Why is art a talent, a “gift”, that we’re given? Where do I go from here? What do I do with this?
Follow me on my journey.
What is the purpose of art?
One of my early “self learning” drawings to practice faces. The paper didn’t age well (from 1999) but it’s still one of my favorites, as it reminds me not to give up when I think I “can’t” do something. With dedication and hard work, anything can be achieved.
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